first (and maybe last) time.

today i believe i felt a true emotion, completely unfiltered or clouded by anything else.

i think i felt despair.

i don't really know what words to use to describe how it made me feel. i don't think i even have those words in my vocabulary. maybe it's because this isn't something that happens, not very often anyway. like most people might not ever get to feel this even once in their lives. prior to this feeling, i might have thought i had felt something this true, but i know that i would have been wrong. i don't know if i'll ever feel like that again.

maybe it wasn't intended to provoke such a feeling,
maybe it was,
maybe it just depends on how we individually perceive things.

but thank you for sharing something like that.
even though it was the saddest ( <-- for lack of a better word) thing i have experienced,
it was also the most true.

i'm grateful for that, and astounded.



p.s. i wish i had better words to show how i'm feeling. "astounded" and "sad" don't quite do these feelings justice, but they're all i've got.